Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
