Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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