My first STD was from a foam party
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
