ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
