she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Fuck appropriateness.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
