I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
