i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
