how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
