she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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