well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
