You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
