im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
