pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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