Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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