when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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