you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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