my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
pray to the hookup gods
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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