I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
