I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
