His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
