just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
