I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
