And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
