all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
