She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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