Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
