Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'm having to shit out rocks
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