I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
