i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
