I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
