Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
