I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
