no. you can't hotbox the world.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
