he thought i was a dude.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
