think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
