no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
