the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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