Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
