Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
only if we run a train.
done.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
