what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
