yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
