He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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