so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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