ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
