just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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