I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
