so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
