no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Houston, we have a squirter
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
