So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
