Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
areolas are like halos for boobs.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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