I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
they're like a gay fantastic four
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
