oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
